Tired of Being Autistic

 I'm tired of being autistic and sadly there's nothing I can do about it. 

I'm tired of being "expressionless" when people convey things to me. Which in reality means I'm masking whenever I'm not expressionless in order for neurotypicals to receive "feedback" that I'm there. 

I'm tired of being forced into a mold that my neurodivergent self will never fit. 

I'm tired of being scolded for seeing things in black and white. 

When in reality it is that black and white thinking that makes me an excellent mediator because I can clearly see what both sides want. 

I'm tired of living in existential dread. 

No, I don't feel dead inside. I'm just tired of trying to exist the way society expects me to because "I'm smart." 

I'm tired overall of living and no, I don't want to die. 

I just want to be able to live freely as I am. 

With my flat affect 

With my stims

With my aloofness

With my naivete

I just want to be all of me...